"Fishing Result Deficiency Syndrome"

To open, we all have our reason for fly fishing. At some point, we all have to admit to ourselves that we do it because we fulfill a need in our lives in some way. Even if we do it to enrich other people's lives, we get something out of it. So, we all have some form of result that we derive from fly fishing. The other introductory point is that I am a firm believer that negative example provides a world of examples of opportunity where we can grow and share, so others can learn and use another's negative example to a positive end. That said...

I've fished with, watched, or guided a lot of people and have seen a lot of different personalities. I myself have had a lot of different emotions and reactions in my fly fishing, and have had a few perspectives change through the few decades of doing it. Nobody is 'right' in how they fish, and the result of effort and skill doesn't always line up as you'd think. Further, there is no 'right' way to act and react to what happens on the water, as there certainly are as many varying aspects of personalities - and moments of personalities - as there are varying moments on the water.

However, for the people I've been on the water with, a very select few people have gone above and beyond the call of duty for how the result of fly fishing affects their self worth. These people are completely engulfed by the outcome of their fly fishing. In fact, a few folks I've been around have seen their lack of fishing result affect their entire being. Size and numbers - or a combination of the two - rule their world and unless the result is within their pre-ordained data set, their expectations, their over-estimation of their ability... their self worth falls, their reactions outlandish, and their entire being crashes. No fish = no self worth. No result = no self love.

I've seen it quite a few times on moderate levels, and unfortunately a few have completely melted down in a day or over a short period of time. Their reaction isn't usually an outburst, rather, an inward downward spiral that manifests itself in countless symptoms that are painfully obvious to those around them. They remain this way until the results change or they go home and somehow manage to see the sun rise again. And God help those around them if these people begin to have success in fishing - the equal opposite is also then true.

Such symptoms include: quietness; disengaging; withdrawal; belittling others; owliness; mood swings from euphoria to outright being pissed off; snippiness; passive aggressive comments; subtle comments of comparison of result; turning away from, deliberately ignoring, or even flat out walking away from others when they hook up or catch another fish and they can't; they can't share in their fishing partner's success; throwing rods, gear, boats, etc around out of frustration. The list goes on and most aspects aren't pretty. In fact, I've seen all the above from one fishing partner!

We all have moments in time, a minute here or there where we deviate from the core of who we are due to a momentary reaction to a situation. We recognize these moments and apologize and get back to having fun for others as much as ourselves - often more for the other. But I'm talking about the people who spiral out of control for a complete afternoon of fishing, or have one afternoon of pity party extend to two days or on to 2 or 3 weeks on an extended fishing trip.

Most often, these individuals can't see past themselves. They often forget that if they have been taken to a river or are being taught by someone else, that the person hosting them is sacrificing a part of their free time, sacrificing their personal holiday time, or sacrificing part of themselves for the benefit of the one they are assisting. In the end, instead of appreciation, the person taking time out of their fly fishing time receives a whole host of the above attitudes instead of appreciation.What's amazing is that rarely do these people realize that they have completely melted. They act as if life is normal or deny how they're acting, project onto you that you have the issue or problem, and sometimes even attack you for wanting to discuss what's obvious to everyone else around them. "I don't have any problem, everything's fine," I've heard a few times. Complete dismissal, lack of ownership, and a clear cutting of any possibility of deeper relationship by being vulnerable in admitting even the slightest character flaw. And vulnerability - its expression and sharing - is so important.

I once spent successive days fishing with a fellow who couldn't cast 25 feet accurately, nor with any kind of line control to average wariness brown trout. He kept spooking them or missing the two or three takes he did manage. I was on a distant vacation and he his, yet I gave way to him. We were supposed to rotate fish but because he was continuously showing poorly I kept giving my turn to him. By the end of our time together, there was no recognition of me foregoing my opportunities in his favor - I often went entire afternoons without fishing after catching on my first attempt - in order to give him opportunity to catch a fish. I didn't want to show him up, frankly as I knew his ego couldn't handle it. In fact, he went so far as to state to me, "You get to do this all the time," when I consistently gave way one afternoon. At the end of our time together, he'd managed to land one fish and he was sulking, loathing, and so entrenched in his own pity party he didn't realize that I was paying good money & sacrificing my vacation time to enhance him. There was absolutely no recognition of anything past himself and his fishing experience. He stayed that way for some time, to the point Amelia & I decided to gently part ways so we could continue to enjoy our vacation - you don't want to hear Amelia's perspective! The flipside is that when this person is catching fish he's on top of the world and having a grand time, and everyone knows it.

If you identify with any (large or small part) of what I've written here, be it having suffered through it or if you are honest enough with yourself and those around you to admit you are this way, ask yourself if you or your friends should be subjected to this? Friends put up with friends to a degree, and compassion is always encouraged, but at some point you need to take ownership of your actions and realize that pouting, withdrawal, and the other negative aspects impact the ability of the others around you to be care free and enjoy their time as basic social tact suggests they can't otherwise. It's difficult for one person who cares about someone else to show their elation when the other is a kill joy mired in self loathing. Most who suffer from fishing result deficiency syndrome will never realize how miserable they are to be around.

So, what can we do? If you are on the receiving side, it really comes down to our personal boundaries, how much we can tolerate and how strongly we feel we are to be treated to what standard. That's a mouthful but so true. We have to be honest to ourselves how we are feeling and own our reactions or building reaction. It's very important to keep our composure and remove ourselves before we act out of our own character, standards, or views. Allow the other person space and time, and don't get caught up in their negativity.

If you are on the perpetrating side, the first step is certainly to own up to it and listen to what your mind is telling you. It's easy to recognize those feelings of jealousy, self loathing, angst, anger, etc. It's extremely difficult for some to admit even to themselves that they have a character flaw. We all have them. It's contrite to simply say 'get past yourself', but that's ultimately where this is heading. Recognize where you are at, and perhaps explore the notions of boundaries, fostering friendship, sharing in others' joy through difficult times, personal integrity, work on your self confidence and recognize that a strong outgoing personality is often a front to hide inner flaws, etc. Be honest with yourself and take the time to explore these things.

There is so much to enjoy about fly fishing once we establish that it isn't all about 'me'. Take the time to enjoy the fact that someone else that you care about is enjoying a moment. Let go your personal frustration. Put the rod down, watch & absorb the beauty of someone more skilled or more successful. Look at the artistry of the lines on the rocks, the trees about you. Stop placing so much importance on having a photo of your mug with a fish. There's simply so much more to enjoy in and about fly fishing than the fish.